Great Battle Of Dalal Street
Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, the Commander-in-Chief of the ‘Bulls Army of Dalal Street’ (BADS), summoned an urgent meeting of all of his trusted lieutenants.
“Boys, I want no prisoners,” the C-in-C said in his usual crisp and authoritative tone.
He took a sip of the Scotch whisky and a drag from the Havana cigar.
“The bears are running amok and must be stopped … at any cost”.
12 hours later, the Badshah’s voice echoed in my mind as I cradled the M24 Sniper rifle in my arms.
The M24 is the weapon of choice of ace marksmen across the World. It is a high precision sniper rifle with a range of 1200 meters. Its’ 0.24 mm caliber bullets are capable of piercing 5mm steel plated armour.
Mukeshbhai was seated next to me. His weapon of choice is the AK74 assault machine gun.
In the hands of experienced warriors like Mukeshbhai, the AK74 can wreck havoc amongst the enemy forces. Its’ burst rate of 600 rounds per minute coupled with 39 mm ammunition can tear the enemy into tatters in no time.
Jigneshbhai was assigned lookout duty. He was scanning the streets of Dalal Street with the laser-equipped M830 8x30r Military Binoculars which the Commander had bought from the elite US Marine Corp.
Shyambhai had the onerous duty of ensuring that there was an endless supply of Gutka and Adrak Chai so that the soldiers stayed energized throughout the battle with the Bears.
“Two Tangos at 12 o’clock,” Jigneshbhai shouted in an excited tone, his voice crackling due to static.
Sure enough, there were two Bears, trundling around, looking for a way to enter and defile Jeejeebhoy Towers, the holy temple of the Bulls.
I took aim carefully, knowing that there was no scope for error.
The Bear in my cross-hairs was middle-aged, pot-bellied and ugly looking.
I knew that I would be doing the World a favour by getting rid of the monstrosity.
“Khatak”. The M24 made the crisp sound as I pressed the trigger and the bullet sped from the Chamber.
I expected the Bear’s brains to be splattered all over the pavement.
“Missed!” Mukeshbhai yelled with an expletive. The bullet missed the Bear by a mile.
I had forgotten to make adjustments for the wind velocity and direction and also the distance of the target.
“Ka Boom”. Before I could reload the M24 and before Mukeshbhai could fire the AK74, the Bears had fired a volley from their RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades).
The walls of the RJ Fan Club are 13ft high and 5ft deep and are designed to withstand a nuclear explosion. However, the onslaught of the RPGs proved too much for them. They crumpled into pieces.
In the aftermath, the Bears took full control of Dalal Street. Their flag now flies over Jeejeebhoy Towers.
Investors lost a colossal fortune of 1.57 lakh crore in the Bear attack.
— CNBC-TV18 (@CNBCTV18Live) March 23, 2018
Programming alert: We are advancing Closing Bell to 2 pm today given the big market move. Please do tune in.
— Anuj Singhal (@_anujsinghal) March 23, 2018
— CNBC-TV18 News (@CNBCTV18News) March 23, 2018
Don’t worry about market corrections, keep buying stocks
Porinju Veliyath is the de-facto commander of the southern division of the ‘Bulls Army of Dalal Street’ (BADS).
He now commands a gigantic follower base of 1 million (10 lakh) which is awesome by any standards.
Million Thanks to my Million Friends @Twitter
— Porinju Veliyath (@porinju) March 22, 2018
It is worth noting that Porinju now has more followers than Billionaires Carl Icahn (351k) and Bill Ackman (17.6k).
Warren Buffett (1.38M) and Jim Cramer (1.09M) are within touching distance.
Naturally, Porinju has been entrusted with the onerous responsibility of boosting the sagging morale of the Bulls, which he is discharging admirably.
“A Portfolio Manager for 17 years, I haven’t come across any 'INVESTOR' who lost money in the market corrections, including the 2008 crash!” Porinju yelled even as his 1 million followers listened with rapt attention.
A Portfolio Manager for 17 years, I haven't come across any 'INVESTOR' who lost money in the market corrections, including the 2008 crash!
— Porinju Veliyath (@porinju) March 8, 2018
What has changed in the market?
PEx, leverage & prices have come down and VALUE has gone up. The market, in general, has turned more attractive and safer than 2 months or 6 months ago!
— Porinju Veliyath (@porinju) March 8, 2018
He also assured that the market has now bottomed up and that the time is ripe to tuck into quality stocks quoting at attractive prices.
He also described the event as a “rare opportunity”.
For the 3rd time in March, I feel the market has bottomed out; Can we make it final, today? ?
Many investible quality stocks are priced very attractively today. Ignore a dozen negatives that you hear – trade tariff, politics, bank frauds, LTCG, rate hike etc.
— Porinju Veliyath (@porinju) March 23, 2018
At least 20 million Indians are ready & waiting to invest in equities, for the first time. The current depression is a rare opportunity to part-own some of India's solid businesses. Remember, 'Discount Sale' won't be extended beyond March ?
— Porinju Veliyath (@porinju) March 21, 2018
Other commanders of BADS also rushed in to do their bit to soothe the nerves of panic stricken investors.
Sandip Sabharwal offered investors a generous “panic discount” of 18% on multibagger plans.
PANIC IS BACK
Panic discount is back as promised
18% DISCOUNT ON ALL PLANS
DISCOUNT CODE PANIC2018
Only till 2nd April 2018
Panic discounts in February 2016 and Demonetization made good money.
— sandip sabharwal (@sandipsabharwal) March 23, 2018
It is worth noting that Sandip Sabharwal has revealed the performance of his Model Portfolio. Some of the stocks have given eye-popping multibagger gains. He has also offered valuable stock recommendations.
Samir Arora tried to defuse some tension by cracking jokes.
Mkt should operate like Indian parliament
Every day bulls and bears meet in the morning to decide whether it should be kept open
For ex-On a day like today Bulls will start shouting & ask for mkt adjournment and it closes down for rest of day etc.
When both agree mkts will open
— Samir Arora (@Iamsamirarora) March 23, 2018
Prasanth Prabhakaran of YES Securities also chipped in with valuable advice.
He explained that investing in equities is essentially taking a call on corporate India, and how well it is doing and performing.
As long as companies grow and do well, equity markets will deliver healthy returns, he said.
He also reminded investors that even they had bought stocks like Page Industries, Eicher Motors, Asian Paints, or Balkrishna industries at peak valuations during the great Bull market of 2007-2008, they would have today still raked in mega multibagger gains despite the great crash of 2008-09.
Buy stocks with strong growth and high return ratios, are compounding machines and possess good pricing power, he advised.
Prima facie, the advice that we should buy compounding machine stocks with strong growth, high return ratios and good pricing power is sensible and should be followed diligently by us. There is also a ready-made list of such high-quality stocks that we can cheery-pick from!